Love – Breathe. Pray. Repeat.

Why You Should Show Mercy

You did it. You did the thing. You did the thing you knew was wrong. You did the thing you knew was wrong, and yet you did it anyway.

Why? Why’d you do it? Why’d you do it when you knew it was wrong?

Because it made you feel good? Lashing out, getting revenge, making the person who hurt you hurt more than they hurt you.

Yeah, it felt good, didn’t it? The first second the words left your mouth, and the smile left their face, and their mouth gaped open, and you knew you’d stunned them. Cut straight to their soul with an insult, a truth so crushing. Your words dripped with vitriol so full of spite that they wobbled a bit when you said it.

And why shouldn’t you say it? They had it coming. What goes around comes around, so they say.

So they say a lot of things. They say fear is a powerful tool. They say get back at your enemies. They say take what’s owed you, show no mercy, leave no survivors. Eye for an eye. Tooth for tooth. But there’s a lot they don’t say.

And as the second second hit after you said what you said, after the smile of that person – your so-called enemy – faded, after their mouth gaped open, after they seemed to shrink in fear, after your shoulders bared back, fists clenching with the strength of newfound power, tears welled up in their eyes, and they crumpled to the ground and stayed there, shoulders shaking, and then saying what you said didn’t feel so good after all.

They don’t say, “Show mercy.” They don’t say, “Be a peacemaker.” They don’t say, “Admit when you’re wrong.” No, society doesn’t say those things.

But Jesus did. He said, “Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy” (Matthew 5:7). He said, “Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God” (Matthew 5:9). His Word says that whoever confesses and forsakes his sins will receive mercy (see Proverbs 28:13).

That same mercy God gives us when we make mistakes is there for everyone.

And so, you unclenched your fists, bent down to the person who had hurt you before, touched their shoulder, and said the words society doesn’t tell you to say:

“I’m sorry.”

Forgiveness is there for you as it is and should be for those who hurt you. Never mind what society says. Mind what Jesus has called you to do. He has called you to be set apart from the world, not embrace its ways and lifestyle.

They say, “Take revenge.”

Jesus says, “Show mercy.”

And you should, too.

The Dangers of Gossip

What you say about others matters.

I never used to think gossip was a big deal until I realized the things I’d been gossiping about were wrong. There was a time once when I heard many rumors—none of them good—about people in my life, and I believed it at the time. It suited the narrative in my head about those people, and believing those false things shaped how I thought about them. Because of the gossip I’d participated in, I began to strongly dislike them.

I was wrong.

A couple years later, I realized all the rumors I heard were not true, and I felt convicted about not only believing them but allowing others to gossip around me and furthering that gossip myself. God began dealing with me about this, making me increasingly more aware of the words I say, how I speak about people, the motives behind my words, and the impact of my words as well as the gossip others would spread around me.

I found that when I had engaged in gossip, I believed more negative thoughts about others. The list of people I disliked grew longer and longer. And it became clear that I hadn’t learned to really love others with a genuine, Christ-like love.

Then, when I made a conscious effort to stop gossiping, listening to gossip, and thinking negatively about those people, I found that the love of Christ grew in me toward them. All of a sudden, that negativity and spitefulness in my spirit was gone.

When you hear gossip, it needs to stop with you. When you hear gossip, you need to change the subject and leave the room. Do not participate. Maybe someone did something wrong, sure, but let God handle it. Rest assured, He will deal with the situation if a wrong was truly committed. He will take care of the problem if there really is a serious issue. But if it doesn’t directly concern you, there is no reason to talk to others about it.

“He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: Therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.”
Proverbs‬ ‭20‬:‭19‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Gossip serves only to divide. It is self-serving. It feeds your own preconceived ideas about others. It isn’t productive. It hinders growth. Gossip comes from insecurities, idleness, narcissism, and emotional immaturity.

As we know, our feelings follow our thoughts. If we think (and then say) negative things about others, we’ll feel that way toward them. A 2011 study published in the journal Sciencexpress found that negative gossip actually changes the way we see people visually (you can read more about this here). However, if we only think good, kind, loving thoughts about others, then we’ll love them no matter what. And that’s a hard thing to do with people in certain circumstances.

I learned something about a person I know some time ago, something about what this person did, and it changed how I thought about them. They weren’t the person I thought I knew, but I was challenged to love them even still. I was challenged not to say spiteful, judgmental things about them—even though they did wrong.

Am I their judge? No. I had to let go of my animosity toward them and look at them through the love of Christ. Broken, messed up people hurt others, it’s true.

Gossip influences perception, and when you perceive people to be bad based off things you cannot confirm to be true, then you are declaring people as automatically guilty. Even if what you’re talking about IS true, sitting around and stirring the pot, repeating the same stories about the same situation keeps your mind in a repetitive loop.

Gossip is also used to destroy reputations and react aggressively. It needs the validation of others and demands that those who hear it agree with it. Gossip acts like a virus that jumps from one member of the body of Christ to another until it finds something to stick to, and then it spreads.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭21‬ ‭KJV‬‬

As the above scripture says, death and life are in the power of the tongue. Gossip is destructive and antithetical to the lifestyle of a Christian.

Gossip loves company.

When you hear it, leave the room.

On Anger and Forgiveness

They hurt you.

Maybe they meant to. But it’s hard to move on and forgive when they seem to forget all about you. Or maybe they didn’t mean to, but it doesn’t matter. You can’t forget. And so you remember, and you seethe, and you stew, hoping someday they’ll get what’s coming to them. And the years pass on your anger, but nothing seems to change. Their life moves on, and you find yours does, too. And all that’s left is the semblance of anger turned to indifference.

Yes, they hurt you, but who cares about them, anyway? They’ll pay. Indifference turns to pride, pride to arrogance, arrogance to vengeance.

But vengeance only belongs to the Lord.

I’ve learned a lot over the past few years about forgiveness.

When I was going through a struggle and believed someone had wronged me, I wanted vengeance. I wanted to see them crumble. My circumstance made me believe they were my enemy, and how could I hope that anything good could happen for them? How could I want them to be successful? How could I want anything but destruction for them?

Well, I was wrong.

Let go and let God. It’s a cliché these days, but it’s exactly what you need to do when you believe someone has wronged you. Maybe they did. Maybe they really hurt you, but for your sake, you have to forgive and let God take care of it. It isn’t a matter of, “well, what if they don’t get punished?” If a wrong has truly been committed, rest assured, God will take care of it either now or on judgment day. But you should hope that that person gets right and is forgiven for what they’ve done because you shouldn’t want anyone to have to suffer for eternity.

They’re only human, after all. Like you. How many mistakes have you made in your life? And how many times have you asked God to forgive you? And yet you want to hold a mistake over another’s head?

Forgive them.

Jesus taught Peter what forgiveness really is about in Matthew 18.

“Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.”
Matthew 18:21-22 KJV

Of course, Jesus did not mean for Peter or anyone to literally count up to 490 until they could stop forgiving a person for wrongdoing. It’s not about the numbers or keeping track. It’s about always having a spirit of forgiveness.

“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:”
Ephesians 4:26 KJV

Anger is not sinful in itself, and it is okay to be upset when someone wrongs you, but holding onto hurt and anger leads to bitterness.

I had a conversation once with someone about an offence that was believed to have taken place. This person told me they had begun to pray for the one who had allegedly committed the offence and that they had told another confidant about it. They relayed to me that the confidant had allegedly asked them, “Why would you pray for them to be blessed? They’re your enemy.”

Whether this was truly said or not, it was the wrong sentiment about such a situation. You shouldn’t want anyone to have to suffer or possibly spend eternity in hell. When someone hurts you, pray for them. If they’ve truly done wrong, pray that God changes them and that they receive His forgiveness for what they’ve done.

“But I say unto you which I hear, Love your enemies, do good to them which hate you, bless them that curse you, and pray for them which despitefully use you.”
Luke 6:27-28 KJV

This passage in Luke 6 and the subsequent verses are a great study on the spirit of forgiveness. It takes strength to truly forgive someone who has hurt you, but the more you do it, the more Christlike you will become. The more you forgive, the more your love for people will grow. You’ll begin to understand people better. You’ll begin to truly care about people more. We are to be merciful as He is merciful (see Luke 6:36). When someone hurts you, give yourself time to sort through your anger maturely and privately, and then forgive.

Love people even when it’s hard. Let God change their heart and yours. Let God handle the offence. And let the matter go.

“Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.”
Ephesians 4:31-32 KJV

The Most Important Decision

Ah, l’ amour.

The thing that makes men and women do silly things to impress each other. The thing that makes people giddy, nervous, anxious, and nauseous. The thing that makes the stomach flip-flop, the heart race, and the palms sweaty.

Sounds fun, doesn’t it?

All those things may seem like love to many young people looking for a new or first relationship. Some may base their love for a crush on a feeling—butterflies in their stomach. Yes, some forms of love are based on emotion, but emotions are fleeting due to the nature of changing hormones and chemical reactions in the brain (dopamine and norepinephrine, for example, which are chemicals the brain releases when we feel attraction). It’s when the emotional high of love wears off that love becomes much more than what we feel. It becomes a conscious decision.

We choose to love a person and stay committed to that person. And in this same way must we approach our relationship with God.

One doesn’t have true love if he or she only loves his or her spouse when things are going well. One doesn’t truly love God if he or she only loves God during Sunday and Wednesday service.

True love is a constant, daily decision.

What is more important than choosing whom we will marry and love for the rest of our earthly life is choosing whom we will serve for all eternity.

God chooses to love us despite our flaws. No matter how much we error, He still welcomes us back into His Presence with open arms. And so, we must choose to love and stay committed to Him. Every morning, we must renew our love for the One Who loves us unconditionally. We must choose Him each day and fall deeper in love with Him.

Love, real love, is not temporary or based on what we feel in any given moment. That’s why spouses who truly love each other can stay married to each other despite having disagreements. They’ve already made up their mind to love their spouse no matter what.

Charity—true love, agape love—endures all things and does not fail (see 1 Corinthians 13).

This is the kind of love that will never fade. If we model our love for others after Jesus’ love for us, then it will endure forever, rooted not in our emotion but rooted in our determination.

This Valentine’s day (whether you’re single, dating, or married), choose to set time aside to celebrate God’s unconditional love for you. Renew your decision and commitment to serve and love Him with all of yourself.

Love Him because He first loved you.

This is the most important decision you will ever make.