Tag Archives: Gossip

The Dangers of Gossip

What you say about others matters.

I never used to think gossip was a big deal until I realized the things I’d been gossiping about were wrong. There was a time once when I heard many rumors—none of them good—about people in my life, and I believed it at the time. It suited the narrative in my head about those people, and believing those false things shaped how I thought about them. Because of the gossip I’d participated in, I began to strongly dislike them.

I was wrong.

A couple years later, I realized all the rumors I heard were not true, and I felt convicted about not only believing them but allowing others to gossip around me and furthering that gossip myself. God began dealing with me about this, making me increasingly more aware of the words I say, how I speak about people, the motives behind my words, and the impact of my words as well as the gossip others would spread around me.

I found that when I had engaged in gossip, I believed more negative thoughts about others. The list of people I disliked grew longer and longer. And it became clear that I hadn’t learned to really love others with a genuine, Christ-like love.

Then, when I made a conscious effort to stop gossiping, listening to gossip, and thinking negatively about those people, I found that the love of Christ grew in me toward them. All of a sudden, that negativity and spitefulness in my spirit was gone.

When you hear gossip, it needs to stop with you. When you hear gossip, you need to change the subject and leave the room. Do not participate. Maybe someone did something wrong, sure, but let God handle it. Rest assured, He will deal with the situation if a wrong was truly committed. He will take care of the problem if there really is a serious issue. But if it doesn’t directly concern you, there is no reason to talk to others about it.

“He that goeth about as a talebearer revealeth secrets: Therefore meddle not with him that flattereth with his lips.”

Proverbs‬ ‭20‬:‭19‬ ‭KJV‬‬

Gossip serves only to divide. It is self-serving. It feeds your own preconceived ideas about others. It isn’t productive. It hinders growth. Gossip comes from insecurities, idleness, narcissism, and emotional immaturity.

As we know, our feelings follow our thoughts. If we think (and then say) negative things about others, we’ll feel that way toward them. A 2011 study published in the journal Sciencexpress found that negative gossip actually changes the way we see people visually (you can read more about this here). However, if we only think good, kind, loving thoughts about others, then we’ll love them no matter what. And that’s a hard thing to do with people in certain circumstances.

I learned something about a person I know some time ago, something about what this person did, and it changed how I thought about them. They weren’t the person I thought I knew, but I was challenged to love them even still. I was challenged not to say spiteful, judgmental things about them—even though they did wrong.

Am I their judge? No. I had to let go of my animosity toward them and look at them through the love of Christ. Broken, messed up people hurt others, it’s true.

Gossip influences perception, and when you perceive people to be bad based off things you cannot confirm to be true, then you are declaring people as automatically guilty. Even if what you’re talking about IS true, sitting around and stirring the pot, repeating the same stories about the same situation keeps your mind in a repetitive loop.

Gossip is also used to destroy reputations and react aggressively. It needs the validation of others and demands that those who hear it agree with it. Gossip acts like a virus that jumps from one member of the body of Christ to another until it finds something to stick to, and then it spreads.

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: And they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭18‬:‭21‬ ‭KJV‬‬

As the above scripture says, death and life are in the power of the tongue. Gossip is destructive and antithetical to the lifestyle of a Christian.

Gossip loves company.

When you hear it, leave the room.

The Things That Matter

People say a lot of things. Things that hurt. Things that are true. Things that hurt because they’re true. But people also say a lot of things to minimize you, denigrate you, vilify you.

Kids can be cruel, and adults can be mean, and the things they say to put us down shouldn’t matter to us. But sometimes, we let those things that don’t matter at all matter a little too much until they eat away at our confidence, our strength, our joy, our ability to get out of bed every morning and live a purposeful life for our Creator.

It’s hard to forget the things they say. And sometimes, it’s hard to remember the things that matter.

These are the things they say:

You’re not smart enough for that job. Don’t bother applying to work at that place. Aren’t you too young to preach a sermon? You don’t dress very well. Your clothes are ugly. You’re not very pretty. There’s no way you’re that old. You’re way too short. You’re so tall, you look like a clumsy tree. You don’t have enough money. You didn’t go to a very good school. God will never use you. You’re not a very good person, and you’ve done terrible things. You can’t sing. You’re not a very good musician. You’re too skinny. You’re too fat. You’re too loud. It’s really annoying. You’re too quiet. It’s a little snobbish. You’ll never really amount to anything. Your family problems don’t matter. Your dreams don’t matter. Your thoughts don’t matter. You don’t matter.

These are the things God says:

But you matter to Me. I care about your thoughts. Lay your burdens down at My feet. There’s rest for you in My Presence. I can give you all you need. I saw you on the Cross when I died just for you. I knew all you’d have to go through, and I made you for this exact moment in time. You’re not too quiet or too loud for Me. I hear every prayer you whisper at night. I see you struggle and fight and fall and cry. I’ll be the Strength you need to stand taller than your mountain, the Arms to carry you when you’re too weak to climb. You don’t need the world’s fame or fortune to impress Me. Your song is beautiful. You can do all things when you give it all to Me.

I gave everything so that you could have everything in Me. Joy for every morning. Strength through every struggle. Comfort in every night. Eternal life. I love to hear your voice calling My Name. I long for you to be in Heaven with Me so you can see Me face-to-face, so you can see the face of the One Who came and died for you, Who gave you life. I’ve covered all your mistakes with My blood. You see, you’re more than a servant to Me. You’re my child. And you were worth it all. Every nail, every thorn, all the jeers, all the hate, all the scorn. And if you could only see how much I love you, then you’d know all the things in life that don’t matter and all the things that do.

These are the things that matter:

Your life. Your dreams. Your work for Jesus. Your walk with Him. The salvation of your friends. That time you sang that worship song, all loud and strong, and you thought no one was listening, but God heard every word, and it gave Him joy. That time you cried all night, got up the next morning, and went to work, and got to church later, and even though no one knew what you were going through, you praised God unashamedly. The smiles on your family’s faces when you’re together after time away. The time you spend reading the Word, seeking some direction, seeking Him more. When you tell God, over and over again, that you don’t understand, that you don’t know why bad things are happening, that you’re tired, that you’re sad, but you keep serving Him and giving Him praise because you remember. You remember that no matter what happens, you understand all the things that matter after all.

That the things they say and the negative things you think about yourself

are all the things that don’t matter.

And that Jesus, your family, your church, and you

are all the things that do.