Caitlin Hale

Setting the Right Goals in 2021

2021 is finally here, and many are already starting on those special resolutions they’ve set for themselves, but before you start on your new resolutions, here’s something you might consider:

Don’t.

Seriously, don’t make any resolutions. Instead, make goals, and instead of making goals that are glorified resolutions, strive to set goals for yourself that are practical and have a real purpose to them.

For example, I once set a goal at the beginning of a new year to exercise to a specific workout video every day. I did it for about a week, and then I began skipping a few days here and there. Those few days turned into an entire week, and before January was over, I’d completely abandoned my new year challenge.

“Well, that’s just you,” you might say.

Maybe that is just me. Maybe I have a deeper passion for delicious food than taking up running marathons, but maybe many of us have the habit of setting goals for ourselves out of flimsy desires that are simply unrealistic.

But I learned some time ago to choose a specific goal for which I had a passion and burden, and I developed a few steps to achieving success in completing said goal.

1. Start small.

Last year, I decided to study the Word more, so rather than commit right away to analyzing Isaiah or Revelations in depth, I chose one of my favorite shorter books—Esther. I knew it would be a book that I could easily commit to studying due to its short length (only 10 chapters), and I chose to read a few verses each day and study those verses only.

2. Set time aside each day.

I made a schedule to read Esther over the course of several weeks and estimated the time I would spend each day reading the verses and then set time aside to study each verse individually, taking notes and using Bible study tools to help me.

At the same time, I’d made a goal to pray more, so I set a realistic time to pray each morning. The set time sometimes changed, depending on the day of the week, but I knew that specifically writing down my goals and the time I would set aside for them would help me achieve them.

3. Gradually increase time allotted each day and effort necessary to complete the goal.

After about a week, I gradually began to increase how much time I spent in prayer. Sometimes, it was by five minutes or by ten minutes or by fifteen minutes, but the more I prayed and focused on prayer, the easier I found it was to increase my prayer time.

4. Approach with firm resolve and understanding—don’t quit.

I didn’t always pray as long as I needed to or study for as long as I could have, but I didn’t give up. Why? Why didn’t I give up the same way I gave up exercising to that new exercise video after a couple of weeks? Because I didn’t set a goal that was only linked to fleeting desires or insecurities. Instead, I made sure to set a goal linked to my own identity and lifestyle. I am a child of God, an Apostolic Pentecostal, and as such, I seek a stronger relationship with God through prayer and studying His Word. I understood the value of the goal I set.

When I failed one day to meet my goal, I began again the next day with a resolve to try harder and do better. By the end of the year, I’d managed to read through and study more of the Word, such as the book of Genesis and themes like comfort. Because I didn’t give up or revert to doing the “same-ole-same-ole,” I was able to reach a breakthrough in my prayers and spend more time in His Presence, getting closer to Him than I’d been before.

Don’t underestimate the importance of writing down your goals and setting schedules.

I’m a visual person, anyway, so putting down my goals and plans on paper helps solidify them in my mind and helps me take those goals seriously.

Your goals don’t have to be big, but your passion does.

If you don’t truly, really, deeply care for achieving your goals deep, deep down, then chances are you’ll give up on them.

After 2020 let down many people, I believe it’s acceptable to set small, realistic goals for 2021—something simple like spending more quality time with loved ones or taking a short vacation (or even staycation) that was cancelled last year due to lockdowns.

2021 will certainly be better than 2020 if we set that as a goal for ourselves and charge forward in faith and with purpose. We have an entire year ahead of us, and we can’t control what happens outside of ourselves. But we can control our determination.

Let’s do this, 2021!

The Takeaway

At the end of a year, I always find myself reflecting on how I may have changed over the past twelve months and the overarching lesson I may have learned. In 2019, I was anxious for the year to end. 2019 didn’t see my personal life growing the way I had hoped it would. My family endured emotional struggles, and it was largely an uneventful year. At the beginning of 2020, I was hopeful. In an early Facebook post, I wrote that I was “claiming 2020 as a year of growth, positive change, restoration, fulfillment, and joy.”

Well, January passed, and I still wasn’t happy in my personal life. I was in my final semester at Missouri State University and longed for it to be over so my life could finally start. February passed, and March came, and the pandemic began to rear its ugly head. College moved completely online.

Online classes were an easy transition for me. I’d taken at least two online classes every semester since my second in college, and I loved online learning. I didn’t have a job, and therefore, staying at home 98% of the time as opposed to 90% of the time hardly changed my life at all. Online church was a big adjustment for my family and church, but we held onto the fact that we knew we’d all be back together again, and several weeks later, we were.

During the first few months of the pandemic, my personal problems and plans took a backseat to adjusting to our new schedule and growing concern over the state of the country. I’d expected to have a full-time job by the time I’d graduated, but very few places in my local area wanted to hire new employees during a pandemic. It appeared this year would not be the year I had dreamed it would be. How could I grow when there were no opportunities to go places and experience the next phase of my adult life? How could there be any positive change amidst a pandemic? How could I find restoration when more things in my life were taken away? How could I find fulfillment and joy when there was distraction, frustration, and turmoil in my life and all around me?

The summer passed, and God blessed me with a part-time online position as a writing tutor, and though it wasn’t what I had hoped it would be, 2020 began to change me for the better.

After a series of sermons and messages during which God spoke into my life, I decided to cut distractions out of my life and give God complete control over my desires and plans. In the lowest moment of my life when I despaired over whether I would truly be able to connect with God the way I needed to for a miracle to happen in my life, God spoke to me about pouring out my entire being to Him and serving Him with everything, even if I didn’t think it amounted to very much.

So, I started this blog, stepping far out of my comfort zone, to use for Him the passion He gave me for writing. And after several weeks of studying His Word more, praying more fervently, and seeking Him more, I’ve become closer to Him and closer to the person He wants me to be. Lord knows (and my family knows), I am lightyears away from being that best version of myself, but I am closer than I was when 2020 started.

I prayed for growth, and I got it.

I now run two websites and a blog on two social media sites, and God blessed me with publication of a short story of mine over the summer.

I asked for positive change, and I got it.

2019 me had become less than pleased with my personal life and where I was in my life. I wanted to be as happy and content as I had been so long ago before I allowed college and spiritual struggles to drain me and weaken my joy. So, I prayed for restoration, fulfillment, and joy.

2020 me found restoration, fulfillment, and joy in my relationship with God alone. It took years of suffering and a pandemic to stir my soul and move me to action, but I decided not to allow my pain to control my life anymore.

God gave me everything I had asked for in 2020. None of it looked like what I had thought it would, but He didn’t fail me, and He never will.

What’s the takeaway I learned from this year?

Speak life, not death over your situation. Words have power.

Pray in faith. The storm may still be brewing, but our peace is in God, and He is the Miracle-Worker.

Believe in God. Whatever His Promises are for you, they will come to pass.

Look up. Look up to Jesus where our help comes from, and look up to Heaven, our eternal home, because He is coming back soon.

I struggled as we all have in various ways this year, but I became a different person than I was in January 2020. I grew, changed for the better, was restored in my soul, and became fulfilled and filled with the joy of the Lord. I still have a long way to go, but 2020 taught me to never give up and never go back to the way I used to be.

Only God knows what 2021 may bring us, but no matter what may come, my prayer is that we will see the promises of God become manifested in our lives and that we will become the strong, faithful fighters for truth and humble servants of God that He wants us to be.

So, speak life. Pray in faith. Believe in God. Look up.

Jesus is on the Throne!

3 Things That Remind Us of The True Meaning of Christmas as We Celebrate

Christmas is almost here, and 2020 is almost over. I’ve been savoring as much of this holiday season as I can because this crazy year has inspired me to stop taking the little joys in life for granted. Crowded malls, ice skating rinks, and Christmas light shows didn’t draw me in prior to 2020, but now, I’m itching to experience new adventures with close friends and family. I suppose you might say I used to let my own life and various things get in the way of those “little joys” in much the same way I allowed the tests and trials we’ve endured this year to distract me, momentarily, from the joy of living for Jesus in a tumultuous age.

But isn’t this the way our human mind often works? We get busy, we get stressed, and we get distracted. We often allow the external world and internal pressures and plans to absorb our attention and sway our emotions.

How often—amidst holiday planning, Christmas shopping, decorating, and baking—have you allowed yourself this season to stop and think about the importance of why we celebrate Christmas? How often have you meditated on the fact that our God, who didn’t need to leave His Throne in Heaven, came down to us, wrapped Himself in flesh, lived among us on this earth, raised disciples, performed miracles, and endured persecution and rejection only to die an excruciating death on the Cross to save us from our sins before raising Himself from the tomb so that we don’t have to pay the eternal price for our own mistakes? Sure, many of us may have heard this message preached and have read it in the Gospels one thousand times, especially this time of year, but how often do we really allow ourselves to take time out and thank God that He came for us?

Life gets busy. We’ve got relatives coming over for Christmas, or we have to visit relatives’ houses, or we have to help plan or participate in a Christmas play, or we have to do all of these things and manage to keep our stress levels down so we, too, can enjoy Christmas day. The hustle and bustle often causes many to dread the holidays and long for Christmas to be over before it’s even begun, but we cannot allow the commercialization of Christmas to wear down our spirits and dampen our enthusiasm for celebrating the birth of our Savior. We cannot allow the true meaning of Christmas to become lost amidst all the planning, baking, gift-opening, gatherings, activities, and cute decorations. And so, to help you keep your mind focused on the real reason why we celebrate Christmas for the remainder of this week as you gather with loved ones near or far, here are three things you can spot around you that symbolize aspects of the true story of Christmas:

1. The Christmas Tree Topper

On top of our Christmas tree is a bright star that we purchased from Walmart a few years ago. We replaced our 20-year-old angel topper that I remember from my childhood. It was a beautiful angel–small and clothed in a simple white robe. It had blonde curls and a tiny halo, and its hands were pressed together and its eyes closed like it was praying. I have many memories of getting this angel out with the Christmas décor every year and seeing it lit atop the tree, looking as though it were silently meditating on the birth of our King as it glowed a soft yellow light. Now, our star topper glows with an even softer yellow light than our angel did, but nearly every time I look at it, I think of this line from an old Christmas song: “A star, a star, dancing in the night with a tail as big as a kite.”

This line is, of course, from the song “Do You Hear What I Hear,” which is from the perspective of various elements or participants in the Christmas story, but it calls to mind how the star in the east guided the wise men to Jesus. Perhaps as you look at your star or angel topper this year, it will remind you to draw near to our King and worship Him for His Glory.

(9) “When they had heard the king, they departed; and, lo, the star, which they saw in the east, went before them, till it came and stood over where the young child was.

(10) When they saw the star, they rejoiced with exceeding great joy.”

~Matthew 2:9-10 (KJV)

2. The Gifts Under The Tree

Under our Christmas tree are gifts for each member of our family that we open each Christmas morning. In a house of introverts, our gift-opening is very calm and relaxing. I have the job of turning on our Christmas Pandora radio station on the screen for background music and pulling out the gifts from under the tree. My sister directs the correct gifts to each recipient, and then we wait as our parents open theirs first. Then, my sister and I open our stockings and other presents, and as we all gradually open our gifts, we smile, chuckle, offer gratitude, and make sure the cats don’t chew on the wrapping paper.

But we don’t give out gifts for our own enjoyment only. The tradition of gift-giving is to commemorate how the wise men brought gifts to the child-King Jesus.

“And when they were come into the house, they saw the young child with Mary his mother, and fell down, and worshipped him: and when they had opened their treasures, they presented unto him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh.” ~Matthew 2:11 (KJV)

Perhaps the gifts under your Christmas tree are in gold wrapping paper or have gold bows taped to the top of each gift like ours do. Perhaps as each of us unwrap our gifts this year and watch loved ones open theirs, the gold paper and bows will remind us of the treasures the wise men gave to Jesus. Perhaps the gifts will remind us how Jesus gave His life for us. And perhaps they’ll remind us how we should offer up ourselves and our worship as our gift to Him.

3. The Nativity Scene

We’ve had the same nativity, or manger, scene for as long as I can remember, and it’s as well put together as it was when I was a child. In my own room, I have a manger scene and pictures depicting this scene as well. In both rooms, this scene is at the center of all other Christmas decorations. It wouldn’t seem fitting to place a tree or some other decoration in the center and leave the manger scene to the side. The manger scene depicts the birth of our King with other figures from the story of His birth gazing down at our Savior. It’s a mesmerizing scene to behold, reminding us of the miracle of our great God putting Himself in one tiny body as a newborn baby to live on earth and become our resurrected King. The manger scene captures the awe of that moment when His Creation, both man and nature, beheld the glory of our Messiah.

“And the angel said unto them, Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Saviour, which is Christ the Lord. And this shall be a sign unto you; Ye shall find the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes, lying in a manger. And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God, and saying, Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.”

~Luke 2:10-14 (KJV)

As you open gifts, devour Christmas dinner and festive desserts, and chat with loved ones this week, all you have to do to stay focused on Him is look around and spot the symbols that represent the birth of our King. You can pass around gifts and remember the gifts the wise men brought to Jesus. You can gaze at your lit tree and meditate on the star of Bethlehem or the angels glorifying the newborn King. You can glance over at the nativity scene and visualize the night our long-prophesied Messiah was born, the evidence of hope and light in the darkness for His people then and for us even now.

Our hope is in Jesus, whose miraculous birth we must not allow the distractions of this world to overshadow. Jesus is the reason for the season.

Breathe Pray Repeat will be on a brief break until this coming Monday as I celebrate our King Jesus with my family. Merry Christmas to all BPR readers and subscribers! I appreciate all of you and hope you have a wonderful Christmas celebration with loved ones.

~Caitlin Hale

One Answer to One Million Questions

What am I doing wrong?

Where do I go from here?

How do I know everything is going to work out okay?

How do I know You’re listening to me?

How do I know if I’m doing Your Will?

We have one million questions that plague our thoughts throughout our lives. Life questions hit us at every stage, whether we’re wondering about in which ministry to become involved as a teen, which college to attend, which career to choose, or to which part of the city we should relocate with the best schools and safest community for our children. It seems the possibilities and answers for each scenario are endless. But there is only one answer that suits them all.

(5) “Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

(6) In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” ~Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV)

Often, we find ourselves trying to figure things out and predict what might happen using our own logic and rationale. Even though we may have hated math or not excelled at it in school, we’re still using equations to find the answers to our questions.

If a equals b and b equals c, then c equals the a(squared) scenario, which means I shouldn’t take out that loan, I should go into accounting, and I’m probably allergic to dairy.

Perhaps I’m one of the only ones who goes into Sherlock Holmes mode when deciphering questions and answers regarding various scenarios, but if you can relate to this even a smidgen, here’s something I tell myself that may help you:

Stop trying to figure things out on your own.

It hurts your brain, and it may be making your hair grayer. (Okay, maybe that last one only applies to me, but it’s food for thought.)

But also, it prevents you from completely surrendering yourself to God. If I find myself still trying to figure things out and so stressed out that I can’t focus during my prayer time because I’m still thinking about scenario a(squared), it’s most likely because I still haven’t decided to let God take care of it. I may say, “Lord, let Thy Will be done,” but there’s still a part of me that isn’t really sure it will work out, and so I’m performing mental algebra to decode the answer to my question. Sometimes, trusting in Jesus wholeheartedly requires a daily exercise that involves reminding myself of how little I truly understand. Man’s intelligence amounts to nothing when we consider the infinite amount of knowledge and wisdom God has.

Jesus is the answer to every life question and every struggle we may experience. In fact, all the answers we seek lie within His Word and in His Presence. We see through a glass darkly, but if we acknowledge God and declare His Glory and Power in all our ways, then He will make our paths straight and prosperous.

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” ~Romans 8:28 (KJV)

Going Deeper

Have your prayers ever seemed like a one-sided laundry list of your problems, preventing you from going deeper in your relationship with God?

“So, God, I have this problem with this thing that just won’t go away, and this has been happening, and this person has brought ‘x’ situation to my attention, and I don’t understand why they don’t seem all that concerned, and why won’t so-and-so do this one thing that I really wish they would do that would help us with that other situation, and ugh, God, my finances have been so tight lately, and I’m super busy, and it’s like I don’t have any time to get anything done during the day, and it seems I can’t find the time to really connect with You when I have all this stuff going on, and then there’s so-and-so’s health that we’re really concerned about, and this country’s problems, and my church stuff, and school, and work, and so many other things, and I just need You to help me out with it all, and oh, look at the time! I’ve got so much to do today, and I’m already exhausted. Okay, God, if You could just take care of it all today, that’d be great. Thanks. Okay, bye!”

Perhaps each of us have been here in our walks with God (most likely more than once) when life overwhelms us, but how often do we simply devote our prayer time to just worshipping God? Sometimes, when I’ve been overwhelmed with life, I often find my prayer time doesn’t take me deeper in my walk with Him because I’m going over all my problems and making myself more concerned about how “x” will go. But I always find myself wanting to go deeper.

How do we go deeper when life consumes us? Worship.

“Give unto the Lord the glory due unto his name; worship the LORD in the beauty of his holiness.” ~Psalms 29:2 (KJV)

Worship helps us take our mind off our troubles and puts our focus on God, ushering us into His Presence. We can easily overlook the worship part of our prayers and our church services when we’re busy and preoccupied, but we should endeavor to break this habit and worship Him more when life goes all 2020 on us. We may worship God in various ways, but one way that helps me get in the spirit of worship is through song.

When Paul and Silas were in prison, did they give God a laundry list of their problems? No.

They sang praises to God.

(23) “And when they had laid many stripes upon them, they cast them into prison, charging the jailor to keep them safely:

(24) Who, having received such a charge, thrust them into the inner prison, and made their feet fast in the stocks.

(25) And at midnight Paul and Silas prayed, and sang praises unto God: and the prisoners heard them.” ~Acts 16:23-25 (KJV)

It is when we worship God in spite of our problems that we find more peace and reassurance in Him when life gets overwhelming.

“I come to You, Lord, time and time again,

Needing answers to questions I don’t understand,

But today, Lord, I come to You, asking nothing in return.

I want to love You, just let me love You.”

(“Let Me Love You” by Clint Brown)

Worship helps us let go of our worries and cares, give them to God, and instead focus on His greatness. Worship is essential because it takes our focus completely off the self and onto Him.

“Take us to deep, deep places

Where all we can see is You.

Let us see open Heaven

With angels surrounding You.”

(“Deep Places” by William McDowell)

Worship takes us to a place where we don’t see our troubles, where we instead see the glory of our King. Worship helps us put in the time with God to develop a closer walk with Him as we focus on Him more and less on ourselves.

“I decrease as You increase

It’s all about You! It’s not about me.”

(“More, Holy Spirit” by Covenant Worship)

Worship is when we recount all the great things He’s done and reflect on how great He is. Worship is when we declare His power and might, and as we do so, our faith increases, our love for Him increases, and we grow spiritually. He takes us to a level of pure praise and worship and invites us into His Throne Room. Pure worship to God is when He fills us up with His Spirit until we overflow.

The Spirit of God is something of which we can never have too much.

No one ever says to God, “You know, I think that’s enough. I’ve got a lot of Your Spirit in me. I don’t think I need anymore. I’m good, thanks.”

We can never have too much or enough of Him, but we always need more of Him because we don’t have enough strength on our own to get through life’s struggles. Going deeper in a relationship with God requires that we surrender our desire to control everything, approach His Thone in worship, and give it all to Him.

“Fill me up till I overflow

I wanna run over, I wanna run over!

Fill me up, God; fill me up, God; fill me up, God; fill me up!”

(“Fill Me Up/Overflow Medley” by Tasha Cobbs)

If you’re struggling with going deeper in your relationship with God, then in your next prayer session or during the next church service, devote that time to pure worship to God and see the change in your spirit. Notice the change in your outlook on life and your love for Him when you spend more of your time praising Him for His mercy and love and might.

Worship is the key to that secret place with God. All it requires of us is our surrender, and that is the place where things change and where He takes us deeper.

Prayer and Perseverance

I made it.

After 5 ½ years, I finally walked in my graduation ceremony at Missouri State University. I technically graduated in May, but COVID resulted in a delayed ceremony.

I entered college in the fall of 2015, and it all feels like a century ago. And yet I remember it all so clearly—the all-nighters, the pre-exam dread, the panic attacks when I didn’t get my desired grade on an assignment, the shortness of breath after rushing across campus to get to back-to-back classes in time. I could possibly write a book about my college experience because I took a wide range of challenging courses, had unusual and interesting encounters with students and classmates, and managed to get through it all unscathed. But also slightly traumatized.

The most important accomplishment after 5 ½ years of attending liberal colleges is (as some have told me) that I kept my faith through it all. Indeed, I left college this past May with a stronger understanding of who I am in Christ than I had when I entered college in 2015. There were moments when classmates openly ridiculed conservative and Christian beliefs as though they assumed no one in the room held those beliefs. There were liberal professors who taught ideologies and theories counter to what I believe, but I was always able to discern between the truth and a lie. God kept my mind stayed on Him through it all. There were even so many moments when I was positive I wouldn’t pass a test or keep a 4.0 (which meant the world to me), but every time, I prayed, didn’t give up, and trusted God to take care of it. And He did.

You see, I can’t do anything on my own—pass a test, write a great paper, or withstand others’ ridicule and challenges of my beliefs.

But through Christ, I can do all those things.

I firmly believe that He is the reason I made it this far when I was depressed and burned out from college in 2018. He is the reason I persevered and was able to graduate. He is the reason I can testify today that no amount of secular teaching ever caused me to waver in my faith and belief in Him. The more college exposed me to worldly spirits and points of view, the closer He pulled me to Him because I kept praying and kept believing in Him.

Prayer and perseverance.

That’s it.

If you’re in college right now or thinking of going to college someday soon, be encouraged that you can make it through and finish strong. Don’t stop praying. Don’t stop studying His Word. Don’t stop going to church.

Just breathe. You will make it.

Pray. (Give your cares to God.)

And repeat.

Every single day take it step by step and day by day. Pretty soon, you’ll be looking back over that finish line, relieved that you made it and rejoicing in God for carrying you through.

He did it for me. I know He’ll do it for you.

My Top Christmas Worship Songs

It’s that magical time of year when Christmas music echoes from loud speakers in malls, grocery stores, and town squares, creating an atmosphere of joy and cheer or at least reminding rushed shoppers of how soon Christmas will be here and of how little time they have left to check off the Christmas gifts on their list. I love it all—the Christmas tunes, the jingling of the bells that mall Santas carry, the countdown to Christmas day. Every year, I gleefully wrap Christmas gifts as Christmas songs play on my Pandora station, and I excitedly make fudge, yule log cake, Christmas cookies, and apple tart with “White Christmas” and other popular songs on in the background. Yes, Christmas music is an essential part of my holiday traditions. But there’s more to Christmas than presents and baking, because, of course, we celebrate Christmas to commemorate Christ’s first coming—His birth as our Savior.

I love finding new Christmas songs that worship Jesus and bring to mind how He came from a throne in Heaven to live here on earth and die for us so that we don’t have to pay the price for our sins. He already paid it. His decision as our Creator to love us unconditionally and die for us never ceases to amaze me.

We’re unworthy. Undeserving. But He came anyway.

This season is a reminder of the fact that God is love. Jesus loves us more than we could ever fathom, and when we celebrate Christmas and His birth, we’re also celebrating the fact that He will come again someday soon to take us from this dark and sinful world to live with Him forever.

Here are ten of my top Christmas worship songs that I listen to this season to celebrate His birth and unconditional love for us. Whether you’re in your car or wrapping Christmas gifts, add them to your playlist and worship along! If there are any other Christmas worship songs on your favorites list, let me know in the comments below!

His Name Shall Be by Matt Redman

It Came to Pass by Vertical Worship

The First Noel by Mark Condon, ft. Shara McKee and Ryan Johns

Noel by Lauren Daigle

Messiah by Francesca Battistelli

Worship Medley by Mark Condon, ft. Farrah Easter and Shara McKee

Jesus Came by Mark Condon, ft. Farrah Easter and Ryan Johns

Behold Him by Francesca Battistelli

Let Us Adore by Elevation Worship

Offering (Christmas Version) by Umobile Worship

Why Things Happen

Why?

This may be the question we ask God the most. Why did “x” have to happen? Why couldn’t I have gotten that job? Why did you let me fail that test when I studied so hard? Why did so-and-so have to die? Why are you letting bad things happen to me? Why, why, why?

We wonder, we fret, we pity ourselves, and we ask “why, God?” until our eyes are swollen, and depression consumes our spirit. We see through a glass darkly, so we sometimes cannot see that there is always a purpose behind our pain. Ah, yes—the statement no one wants to hear when they’re going through something, but we humans often only learn things the hard way, especially young adults, and our struggles exist to make us stronger if for no other reason.

Physical pain can be a good thing. It tells us that something is wrong and that we may need medical attention. When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I never felt a literal pain as in aching bones, but I felt a mental pain. I was fatigued and nauseous (among other things), and the very sight of my weary self signaled to others, like the receptionist at urgent care, that something was wrong with me. Miserable is the word I typically use to describe how I felt then, but if I hadn’t felt that way, I might not have known for quite some time that I had diabetes. My pain served a purpose, but it’s often emotional pain that is the hardest to see through and understand.

During and after the spring semester in 2018, I felt an emotional and spiritual exhaustion that threw me out of sorts, and it set me on a path to realign my focus. I had just entered a four-year university to get my bachelor’s degree, and the shift in the atmosphere from a small community college to a very liberal university was palpable. All semester, I was stressed from classwork that involved treating subjective, liberal studies as legitimate, evidence-based coursework, which greatly conflicted with my conservative and Christian beliefs. But I felt an exhaustion deeper than simple stress due to papers and exams, and it escalated that summer.

Never before had I been tired literally every day. It is an understatement to say that I slept a lot. Practically all I wanted to do was sleep, and when I wasn’t sleeping, I was tired and disturbed in my spirit. I loathed college—loathed it—for the atmosphere and for its inefficient system, and I knew I simply couldn’t continue college past a bachelor’s degree to get two master’s degrees (long story there, but that’s where I was headed) in order to teach college English and write professionally. I was done. I was miserable. I was lost. It’s only now after having finally finished college that I have come to truly appreciate the experience for what it taught me and how it helped me grow.

After realizing I didn’t want to continue the path to becoming a full-time English professor in this liberal society, I prayed (a lot), and I looked to different avenues. I made an alternate plan to apply for work at a local publishing company after graduation, but then COVID happened. The company went on a hiring freeze. Great. I scoured the internet for job openings in editing, tutoring, and copywriting, and by the grace of God, I found a company that was hiring part-time tutors. The future is still uncertain, but all of my searching and pain and misery and growth has helped me grasp a simple concept that I hadn’t realized I didn’t truly “get” until I went through something difficult: trust God.

Sometimes, we don’t truly understand a concept or truth until we have no other choice but to embrace it head on. C.S. Lewis once said that “God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.” Of course, having grown up in church, I’ve always known we should trust in God to guide us through life, but somehow, I’d formed my own contingency plans for everything to get where I wanted and expected everything to work out as I planned—until it didn’t. I can look back now at all those moments I was worried and miserable and exhausted to my core and understand that God let me go through those things to teach me that no matter what happens in my life, I still need to trust in Him and let Him take the reigns of my life, that I need to believe it’s okay when things don’t go my way, that if something tragic happens, I am going to make it as long as I trust in Him.

I still wonder why things happen sometimes. But now I understand that I am not alone in whatever trial I’m going through. Whatever happens—no matter what happens—I can rest in the assurance I have in Jesus. It’s okay to be not okay. It’s okay to wonder about why things happen, because in those moments, God fills me with His Peace and whispers, “trust me,” and He draws me closer to Him than I’ve been before.

Season of Giving

Today is a day of giving—giving to others to support them and build up our communities. That’s what “giving Tuesday” is about. We seek to build a more generous and caring world. Unfortunately, this is in direct conflict with human nature, which seeks to gain material things for the self and neglects the needs of others. Of course, it is the Spirit of God within us that helps us overcome our selfish nature and give to others. You know how when you’re a kid, and you’re really excited about getting things on Christmas morning, but when you get older, somehow that aspect isn’t as important anymore? As we mature, we naturally (hopefully) come to understand and embrace the concept of giving to others rather than getting. Case in point: yours truly.

8-year-old me was obsessed with presents and sneaking a peek before Christmas at the toys my parents bought me that they had hid in the corner of their bedroom closet.

“For shame, Caitlin, had you no self-control?” you might wonder.

And, no, I did not. I was eight, and I remember specifically asking for a basketball for Christmas so I could dribble it on our back patio (why I’ll never know since I’ve never been drawn to sports or even remotely coordinated in that area). 8-year-old me was anxious—nay, ecstatic at the thought of opening up my gift, wondering whether my parents had agreed to meet my request. I was, admittedly, a greedy little child. As I pulled back the paper hiding my special gift in the corner of my parent’s closet, I gazed with glazed over eyes at the bright orange orb with black stripes. I imagine my glee resembled that of the European conquerors when they came to Central America in the 1500s in search of gold.

“Behold! This brass, shiny object is more beautiful than chainmail sparkling in the moonlight! I must have it!”

But alas! My pleasure at the sight of the brand-new basketball in my parents’ closet was short-lived when my sister (the fiend!) stomped into sight and called my name, bringing attention to my clandestine meeting with my gift to our mother’s attention. Though I still unwrapped the basketball on Christmas morning, I never again sneaked a peek at my Christmas gifts. Once, I cared only about what I would get for Christmas. Naturally, the older I became, the more invested in others I became.

You see, my sister and I have a stocking stuffer tradition. While some families have always stuffed stockings and opened them on Christmas morning, this has never been a tradition in my household until my sister and I decided to try it two years ago. It has become a challenge each year to come up with small gifts (some practical, some cutesy) to fill up each stocking, but the real delight isn’t in finding out what each of us received in our stocking—it’s in seeing each other’s delight at what we put in each other’s stocking. In short, it’s about giving, of which I learned the joy with experience as I got older and began to invest in others.

Giving requires us to think about others more than ourselves. What does so-and-so want? What do they need? What would make them happy? And then we give to them whatever fits into those categories, be it quality time or a special gift of sentimental value. Giving trains our naturally selfish minds to think less about ourselves. The more we give, the easier it becomes. The more we give, the more we reflect Christ.

After all, He gave His life so that we might have life and have it more abundantly. But He didn’t die on a cross and rise again so that we could only invest in ourselves and in our life on earth. Christmas is a season of giving to others, yes, but I believe it is also a season to remember why we give and what we must give back to Him.

There’s a popular Christian song that says, “I give myself away.” Our lives are not our own. We give ourselves up to Him—our time, talents, and treasures—so that He can use us to glorify Him and help people come to know Him. For me, this concept solidified in my mind when I learned I must give up my dreams and desires to Him. We want what we want, right? Sometimes, we often think what God wants for us is something we won’t like, and so we stubbornly hold onto our wants. But the Kingdom of God is not full of people who only focus on their own desires and plans, and what God wants for us will give us more joy and fulfillment than we could ever imagine. When we learn to put our focus on what He wants and what others want and need, we become effective workers in the Kingdom of God.

“Every man according as he purposeth in his heart, so let him give; not grudgingly, or of necessity: for God loveth a cheerful giver.” ~2 Corinthians 9:7

Our True Value

30% off sales galore
On toys and clothes from every store!
Hurry to get them before they’re all gone
When the Black Friday shoppers battle at dawn!

Shopping carts clash and fights become petty;
You buy all the things but run out of money.

~a poem by yours truly. Quite Shakespearean, don’t you think?

•••••

Black Friday has commenced once again, and I may have bought fuzzy socks on sale, but even I have to remind myself every year that “things” are not why we’re here. If we’re not careful, we can become obsessed with buying and acquiring all the things we think we want–shoes, appliances, boats, new hunting gear, or whatever we’ve set our sights on. Before we know it, materialism has consumed our pocketbook and corrupted our sense of value. Many consumers wind up finding their happiness in the things they acquire as though they’ve won trophies and have elevated their own social status.

But we do tend to equate a person’s value with the things they own or the amount of money they have. If a person has a bigger house, better car, or money for elaborate vacations every year, we think they’re more important or special than us. They mean more because they’re “worth” more. However, our value is not found in things but in our salvation and in Christ. This material, physical, tangible world will not remain forever, and sometimes we must remind ourselves not to make idols of the things we may possess.

(19) “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:
(20) But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:”

~Matthew 6:19-20, KJV

Although shopping in itself is not an evil thing and neither is money, it is the love of money that is the root of all evil. Instead of finding our value in the things we can’t take with us to Heaven, we must remember that to God we are all worth saving in spite of what we may or may not have. The poor man is as special and valuable to God as the rich man. Our home is in Heaven and our worth is in Christ. So, while all the things we may have are okay and are often gifts from God, they are not what determines our value in life.

I love clothes and shoes and hats like many girls, but I know that whether I’m wearing that expensive, pretty, new dress that is all the rave or not, my worth does not change to God. I know that we should all instead strive to remind ourselves this time of year to remember what’s truly important and why we’re celebrating this season. We celebrate Christmas not for the things we can buy but to commemorate the birth of the One who thought we were worth saving. Jesus came to save the poor, the lost, the broken, the lonely, the hurting. He is our treasure, and Heaven is our goal.

“Set your affection on things above, not on things on the earth.”

~Colossians 3:2 (KJV)