Tag Archives: Diabetes Problems

When The Unexpected Comes

Life is made up of many unexpected moments—some good, some bad. Somehow, it’s often the bad ones that have a lasting impact on our lives, that mold who we become and shape how we think.

In September of 2013, my diagnosis with Type 1 diabetes was unexpected. It shocked my family and I since no one in my immediate family has it. I was numb at first. Not upset or sad. I didn’t cry or get frustrated. I went along with the doctor’s orders and cautiously trudged through each day afterwards.

What does one do when the unexpected comes?

A wave of emotion didn’t hit me until two months later when I sat by my bed, worrying about what my life would be like now. Diabetes is a lifelong disease with no cure. I thought of all the complications one could have from Type 1 diabetes, of all the frustrations that might come with traveling with this disease. And I so desperately wanted to travel. And suddenly I was sad, frustrated, overwhelmed. I was afraid of returning to college. I was afraid I wouldn’t be able to have the future I wanted. Then, at one youth prayer meeting the following spring, God spoke a word through one of our young ladies that I have never forgotten.

“Keep the momentum going. I am everything you will ever need.”

Maybe God spoke to others that night, but I knew He had also meant that for me. In that moment, I knew I would be alright so long as I kept moving forward in my relationship with Him. He even gave me the answer to how I would get through this trial in my life. God would be everything I would ever need.

My comfort. My peace. My strength.

Whatever I needed, He would be that for me.

The only thing that has ever gotten me through each unexpected moment in my life has been my relationship with God. No, it’s not perfect, but it’s my personal walk with Him. It’s comprised of my experiences talking to Him, those moments I’ve cried and gotten upset, those moments He’s comforted me, those moments He’s given me the strength to carry on, those moments He’s given me revelation after revelation of what it means to be His child and servant and what it means to receive His unconditional love and mercy.

It’s when the unexpected comes that you realize you won’t be able to make it on your parents’ relationship with God or your pastor’s relationship with God. It’s when you realize that you have to make sure your own personal relationship with God is solid if you are going to get through whatever situation you’re in and come out of it stronger.

I’m sure, dear reader, that there have been unexpected moments in your life, and there may be many more—some good, some bad. But it is our responsibility to get closer to God now—not tomorrow or next year—but now to make sure that we’re always prepared for the unexpected. If our daily walk with God is strong and consistent, then we are already prepared for whatever good or bad situation may come our way.

As long as our focus is on Him, and as long as we keep the momentum going, then in the presence of our Creator, we will find everything we’ll ever need to make it through when the unexpected comes.

Why Things Happen

Why?

This may be the question we ask God the most. Why did “x” have to happen? Why couldn’t I have gotten that job? Why did you let me fail that test when I studied so hard? Why did so-and-so have to die? Why are you letting bad things happen to me? Why, why, why?

We wonder, we fret, we pity ourselves, and we ask “why, God?” until our eyes are swollen, and depression consumes our spirit. We see through a glass darkly, so we sometimes cannot see that there is always a purpose behind our pain. Ah, yes—the statement no one wants to hear when they’re going through something, but we humans often only learn things the hard way, especially young adults, and our struggles exist to make us stronger if for no other reason.

Physical pain can be a good thing. It tells us that something is wrong and that we may need medical attention. When I was diagnosed with diabetes, I never felt a literal pain as in aching bones, but I felt a mental pain. I was fatigued and nauseous (among other things), and the very sight of my weary self signaled to others, like the receptionist at urgent care, that something was wrong with me. Miserable is the word I typically use to describe how I felt then, but if I hadn’t felt that way, I might not have known for quite some time that I had diabetes. My pain served a purpose, but it’s often emotional pain that is the hardest to see through and understand.

During and after the spring semester in 2018, I felt an emotional and spiritual exhaustion that threw me out of sorts, and it set me on a path to realign my focus. I had just entered a four-year university to get my bachelor’s degree, and the shift in the atmosphere from a small community college to a very liberal university was palpable. All semester, I was stressed from classwork that involved treating subjective, liberal studies as legitimate, evidence-based coursework, which greatly conflicted with my conservative and Christian beliefs. But I felt an exhaustion deeper than simple stress due to papers and exams, and it escalated that summer.

Never before had I been tired literally every day. It is an understatement to say that I slept a lot. Practically all I wanted to do was sleep, and when I wasn’t sleeping, I was tired and disturbed in my spirit. I loathed college—loathed it—for the atmosphere and for its inefficient system, and I knew I simply couldn’t continue college past a bachelor’s degree to get two master’s degrees (long story there, but that’s where I was headed) in order to teach college English and write professionally. I was done. I was miserable. I was lost. It’s only now after having finally finished college that I have come to truly appreciate the experience for what it taught me and how it helped me grow.

After realizing I didn’t want to continue the path to becoming a full-time English professor in this liberal society, I prayed (a lot), and I looked to different avenues. I made an alternate plan to apply for work at a local publishing company after graduation, but then COVID happened. The company went on a hiring freeze. Great. I scoured the internet for job openings in editing, tutoring, and copywriting, and by the grace of God, I found a company that was hiring part-time tutors. The future is still uncertain, but all of my searching and pain and misery and growth has helped me grasp a simple concept that I hadn’t realized I didn’t truly “get” until I went through something difficult: trust God.

Sometimes, we don’t truly understand a concept or truth until we have no other choice but to embrace it head on. C.S. Lewis once said that “God allows us to experience the low points of life in order to teach us lessons that we could learn in no other way.” Of course, having grown up in church, I’ve always known we should trust in God to guide us through life, but somehow, I’d formed my own contingency plans for everything to get where I wanted and expected everything to work out as I planned—until it didn’t. I can look back now at all those moments I was worried and miserable and exhausted to my core and understand that God let me go through those things to teach me that no matter what happens in my life, I still need to trust in Him and let Him take the reigns of my life, that I need to believe it’s okay when things don’t go my way, that if something tragic happens, I am going to make it as long as I trust in Him.

I still wonder why things happen sometimes. But now I understand that I am not alone in whatever trial I’m going through. Whatever happens—no matter what happens—I can rest in the assurance I have in Jesus. It’s okay to be not okay. It’s okay to wonder about why things happen, because in those moments, God fills me with His Peace and whispers, “trust me,” and He draws me closer to Him than I’ve been before.